Dont panic during a drought, but make an effort, show tenderness and forget goal sex
Remember why you fell in love. What attracted you to each other probably hasnt gone, but lots of other things are competing for your attention. Life is full of routine, and sex will fall into a rut. Accept it will ebb and flow, and dont panic during a drought. It doesnt mean your relationship is in danger.
Bear in mind that what you both like, sexually, may change over time. Keep tabs on the subtle changes, and take responsibility for updating yourself. Beware reading books or going to workshops it can take the joy out of it.
See yourselves as two individuals, rather than as a couple, and never as each others other half. You fell in love with a vibrant, attractive individual, not half a person. You each need to look after yourself. Cultivate a love for your body as it is, but make an effort for your partner. Treat it well. Exercise and eat healthily. Do things that make you feel good. Wear clothes you like. In short, love yourself.
Develop a sensual, private life of your own. Masturbate more alone. Finding pleasure for yourself makes it more likely that youll want sex, and means you can show your partner what you want.
Treat your time in bed together as sacred. If possible, try scheduling it in, and dont let other aspects of life intrude. Realise that it doesnt happen on its own. Communicate more.
Try not to see sex as a quid pro quo situation. Treat each encounter uniquely and try to make it independent of other aspects of your relationship. If you can move away from orgasm-oriented goal sex, do. Take your time often, the journey is more fun than the destination.
Nourish romance Its the juice that keeps things well lubricated. Be kind to each other. Show tenderness. Being thoughtful about what your partner wants sexually, and then doing it, is incredibly powerful.
Interview by Camilla Palmer
Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us